How to be socialized | Clinical Psychology

When I look at my own life, I am always amazed by how few of the many activities I engage in with family and friends truly qualify as genuine socialization. I think this is true for most people, surrounded by family and friends as we are much of the time, we think that there are no limits to our opportunities for socialization, and this is certainly true. But the fact that opportunities are limitless does not mean we avail ourselves of those opportunities. Indeed, most of us have made an unconscious discipline of ignoring or at least not taking full advantage of those opportunities as we go about occupied with life’s “busyness.” 

It is well established that humans are social beings. Research is legion on the effects of the deprivation of social interaction on infants, children, and adults, and it has been clearly indicated that an active social network is essential to our well–being. We do not do especially well as isolated islands, and our ability to live fully and thrive emotionally is a function of the social – support networks we create for ourselves.

The situation is further complicated and exacerbated by the pace at which most of us live these days. Many homes feel more like airline or bus terminals with people coming and going at all hours of the day and night and few times, if any when everyone is present so that meaningful and heartfelt conversations and social intercourse can take place, all of which are essential to creating a sense of familial community.

Interestingly, despite the proximity of family and friends, the socialize × 5 factorial may be the most difficult of all to master. This is true for several reasons. First, it takes a real effort to make it happen. It almost always takes some planning, and it today’s hectic world, it may require significant planning. That’s not to say that there can’t be or won’t be spontaneous socializing × 5 activities, but replying to spontaneity entirely is not likely to give you the five experiences of socializing you will want each week. Remember, the goal here is to develop this factor into a habit.

Second, your attempts to meet the socialize × 5 factorial requirements can be somewhat insidious in that too many things masquerade as socializing but really aren’t socializing at all. Dragging the kids to the supermarket, watching television with the family in which there is little interaction other than someone asking that the volume be turned up or down, taking silent car trips in which everyone is into his or her own things, and doing separate chores around the house albeit at the same time are only a few of the types of activities that come to mind as counterfeit socializing events. Another related issue is that too many people confuse the act × 6 factorial with this. 

They operate under the mistaken belief that doing things for the important people in their lives – which frequently involves earning money and obtaining life’s necessities and niceties – is the same as doing things with the important people in their lives. This phenomenon goes a long way to explain how so many people – men in particular – are surprised to find that they are irreconcilably estranged from the very people for whom they put in those many years of effort. In these situations, the mirrored feelings of betrayal on the parts of the breadwinner and his estranged spouse and/or children are as understandable as they are tragic. These men feel unappreciated because they spent their lives pursuing a sense of security and a good life for their families; in the meantime, their families, while experiencing and sometimes even expressing gratitude for that sense of security and the lifestyle it engenders, feel cheated because in their view the most important thing the man had to give was withheld from them: himself. As women have begun to fill the roles traditionally reserved for men, they are also beginning to experience some of any real conclusions, perhaps, and hopefully, they will do better.