Changing old thought and behavior patterns | Gestalt Psychology

"Life consists in what a man is thinking all day" Ralph Waldo Emerson   

The techniques in this article are designed to help you increase your awareness of negative thoughts and behaviors and break old habits. Although the inner exploration process is the most effective technique for changing unwanted thought and behavior patterns at the deepest level, sometimes it is helpful to use a variety of techniques to attack a problem. My two favorite exercises in this chapter are the ones based on ancient Zen meditations, facing your worst fear, and what would happen if you got what you wanted most. These exercises because the results are highly individual and I do not want to spoil your experience by giving you specific expectations, as with all of the exercises in this book, whatever you get from them is exactly what you need. However, it is important to take sufficient time to do these exercises thoroughly; don’t rush through them. You may also have potent new insights if you repeat these exercises several weeks or months later.

Although several of my psychotherapy clients benefited from the self–defeating thoughts exercise, I personally had little success with it. However, therapists have used this exercise for decades and many people have benefitted from it. Try everything until you find something that works for you.

Facing your worst fear.

This exercise is based on a Zen meditation and can help you overcome your deepest fears. Sit quietly in a chair with your arms and legs uncrossed and your spine straight. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths, feeling the air flowing in and out of your lungs.

When you feel calm, think about your worst fear. What is the worst thing that could possibly happen to you? Is it having cancer, experiencing the death of a loved one, losing all of your possessions, or being alone?

When you have identified your worst fear imagine this fear coming true. Visualize it in your mind in as much detail as possible using all of your senses. What would you see around you? What sounds would you make or hear? What would you smell? How would it feel in your mind and body for this fear to be true?

You may start feeling some strong emotions. Don’t stop them from coming out. You need to feel these emotions and see that they cannot destroy you. Instead of fighting your emotions, let them flow through you. Intensify them, if you can. Magnify them and see how these strong emotions feel in your mind and throughout your body. Become an observer of your feelings.

Envision all of the consequences of your worst fear coming true. What would happen and how would you feel on the first day? Visualize the first day in detail. What would you do, who would you talk to, how would you act?

When you have exhausted everything you can imagine happening during the first day, go on to the second day and visualize that day in detail; focus on what you would feel and what you would do, visualize several successive days in detail, and then skip to the next week, then the next month, and then the next year. What would your life be like as time passes? How would you feel in your mind and body? What would you do on a day-to-day basis? How would you interact with people? What changes would you make in your life? Keep going until your feelings shift or dissipate.

What would happen if you got what you wanted most?

This is a companion Zen exercise to the preceding one. It is especially effective for workaholics and people who are driven to succeed, as well as those who believe they must have a certain partner, job, or another material thing to be happy. This exercise consists of imagining what your life would be like if you got whatever you want most.

Eastern religions advise against attachment to worldly desires. An ancient Chinese proverb warns: be careful what you ask for; you might get it. The idea of attachment is often misunderstood by Westerners who think it means not to want anything or not to love or care about anything or anyone. In fact, eastern religions encourage people to enjoy the wonders of the planet, but not to the extent of wanting something so desperately that they believe their happiness depends on having it. People are frequently unhappy because they do not have what they think they want. You may be afraid of losing something or someone, or you may be putting off happiness, saying to yourself that you will be happy when you graduate, have enough money, find the perfect partner, and so on. Most people spend far too much time, finding the perfect partner, and so on. Most people spend far too much time worrying about getting what they think they want – what they believe they can’t live without.

Sit quietly and take some deep breaths. Focus on your breathing as you inhale and exhale deeply and slowly. Feel your breath entering your nostrils, filling your lungs, and then leaving your lungs through your nostrils. In and out. In and out.

When you feel relaxed, think about what you want most, what you believe you need in order to be happy. Then imagine that you have whatever you believe would make you happy.

Picture what it would be like to have exactly what you want. Imagine the situation in as much detail as possible. How would you feel in your mind and body? What would you say? How would you look? How would you walk? What would your relationship be like? Would your life change? What would your life be like?

Imagine the first day, visualizing in detail what your life would be like moment by moment when you have what you want. Use all of your senses; imagine how you would feel, what you would see, what you would wear, how you would act, how people would react to you, what they would say to you, and what you would do during the day.

When you have gone through the first day in detail from morning to night, do the same for the next day, and then the next until you have vividly pictured how your life would be for a week.

Then imagine in detail what your life would be like the next month and the one after that. What would your life be like in a year? How would you feel? Picture in detail a day in your life a year later and then a year after that. Would your life be different? In what ways? How would you feel about your life and yourself? Spend a few minutes thinking about what you learned from this exercise.